15 January

In which I look at my aims in more detail::

In some ways my aims for the year are all interlinked. The first is to fully accept myself and those around me just as we are. I seek to acknowledge who I am as a person, and live my authentic life, free of self judgement, free of the demons and doubt and negative self talk. Then I need to look at each of my dear ones and acknowledge they are who they are, their own unique personality and I am not going to find every part of that comfortable but I cannot and should not and am not going to try to change them, nor resent them for it but seek, through mindfullness, prayer and meditation to accept each and every part of them and love them for it, realising that even the parts I find difficult and challenging are what makes the whole person, and I know I love that whole being.

My other aim is to parent mindfully and unconditionally.That starts with accepting the children for who they are, and loving them just as they are and not trying to mold them into being something different. In an ideal world I would be a softly spoken, calm, attached, gentle and peaceful parent all of the time, but there is no point in pretending that this is going to happen, because I am only human and I have good days and bad. I am not going to set an intention which is guaranteed to fail, but am going to refer back to my first aim, to accept myself fully and unconditionally, which means being aware that I am quick to snap and loose my temper, that I too readily fall back into the old parenting habits of threats and co-ercion. But I am going to try to be aware of when I am doing this, to recognise it. At first that is all I am attempting to do, but then I shall seek to build on this awareness, and deal with it, by eliminating the harsh talk, by seeking to be fully present for the children, by seeking to find peaceful solutions and model calm and reasonable behaviour, by not lecturing but leading by example.

I want to devote time to looking at what triggers my behaviour - when do I loose my temper and why - is it because of tiredness, or is it because of fear of judgement of others (real or imaginary) when am I putting that imaginary judgement before being authentic with and mindful with the children and honouring them ? I will then seek to eliminate these triggers, either through taking action (earlier sleep) or working through my own issues. My hope is that in being mindful but non-judgemental on myself I will effect the changes I want to see happen. I will be seeking to record our progress here, as a record and a place of accountability.

I need to be realistic there will be difficult heated times but it is going to be a matter of learning to deal with them and moving on whilst maintaining the closeness and love, unconditionally parenting if you will. I want the children to end this year knowing that they are absolutely loved, not just for doing the right things, being good or whatever, but in every way and at every time, even when we are in opposition with each other, they are still loved more than words can being to explain.