Saturday 12 February 2011

12 February

I realised something today, not earth shattering, but so blindingly obvious I wonder why it has never struck me before.

If you know me well, you would know that despite initial impressions when you walk into my home, of a calm, tidy, well ordered living space, as soon as you open a cupboard door you are likely to suffer something falling on you. I love peace, tranquility, zen calm orderliness. But I have a tendancy to horde and an aversion to clearing out. So my solution is to shove it all behind a closed door, shut the door and pretend that all is well. Except somewhere inside I know that there is a tonne of cr*p waiting to be dealt with.

As a person, I am generally considered relaxed, unflappable. My tag line on my school leaving annual was "cool, calm and collected" . My nickname at work was The Swan, because I would glide along the surface appearing unruffled, while underneath, paddling and working like crazy.

Spotted the obvious similarity yet - it's only taken me all my adult life so far ? In life as in my home, I like everything smooth, calm and ordered. And on the surface it is. But open those closets and it's an unholy mess underneath.

I've come to realise that's not healthy. So, I'm taking strides, to clear out my home (no more sliding avalanches as you ease open the door, no more clutter lurking and haunting me; to clear out my inner spaces too, no more hiding from the truth, failing to stand up for myself or pretending that everything is OK when it is very clearly not.

It's a challenge, but it'll be worth it in the end.

3 comments:

  1. excellent. these revelations seem small, but they can have dramatic knock-on affects, don't you think?

    thinking of how i am.... i dig right down to the truth, and my cupboards are tidy. HATE thinking of clutter under a bed or in cupboards. I KNOW it's there and can't unthink it. lol
    likewise, i deal with all my shadowy selves. :)

    interesting.

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  2. i am the same, but every now & then i really get the urge to clean out all that clutter, and i just get a big bag , fill it and give it to charity. i think as we clean our home we clean our mind. i really think there is a connection!

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  3. I'm the same way - can't stand a mess underneath. Drives me mad. I'd much rather mess on top, and clean underneath. :) I feel much more at peace that way!

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