I alluded to this in my last post, but we are in the midst of making what is proving to be one of the most difficult decisions of our family life.
Taine is wildly unhappy at school. We are hugely unhappy with the school. There are a number of reasons why for both of these, none of which I really want to go into right now, it's all too raw and painful. I tried to write about it earlier and just ended in floods of tears.
We are considering a variety of options, one of which is, at least for the short term to Home Educate him (and by extension, Aiyana, who at only 3 is at home anyway). It's freaking scary framky.
I know I want them at home: on one level I am sure that it will be wonderful for our relationships, for our development, for us all to grow. I would relish the joy of teaching him and learning new things with him. And frankly, couldn't really do a worse job of educating him than I do now. As I posted before, I've met some local HE'ders and they were fabulously lovely people.
But
There are so many buts: Taine and I butt heads. A lot. We are both strong willed, stubborn. Quick to anger. How will we cope with no let out clause (school can provide a break for both of us, a chance to calm down and rationalise) ? Due to circumstance he's never been at home full time, as I worked when he was a baby, then he was in school by the time I stopped work to have Aiyana. How will he manage at home - he's always been mega social and loves to be out and about and playing and doing and in the thick of a hustle and bustle. And yes, I know there are plenty, masses, of HE groups and meet and opportunities to do stuff. But I do not like that. One or two social events per week is more than enough to fill me up. Anymore and I am overwhelmed. Same for Aiyana - how can we balance our competing needs ? Will he go completely stir crazy at home ? Supposing that rather than strengthen our relationship we drive each other completely mad and our relationship totally breaks down ? What if I can't cope ?What if I get sick ? I will have to give up my time to myself - do I want to do that ? Our family is bound to disapprove greatly, being very conventional - can we (mostly i) cope with that disapproval, something I have always sought to avoid - If I am being authentic and my own person should that even come into making the decision ?
These are all the thoughts that are swirling round in my head. Constantly. Morning, noon and at 4am on a Tuesday morning.
All I do know is that my boy is desparately unhappy at school, and I'm becoming more and more convinced that doubts and fears and insecurities aside, the most important thing is to do something about that, and that something increasingly looks like home-schooling. I may be quiet in this space for a while as I deal with the maelstrom of thoughts, and grope my way towards a conclusion.
I welcome any comments, advice, pros or cons. I'd like to hear it all, and congratulations if you got this far in reading - it's funny how helpful it's been just to get it all down in black and white.
You have valid worries, really. If I can just throw a couple tidbits for thought. Is it possible that your relationship with your son would change if the pressure of school was off of him? Often times we don't realize how stress can affect our children as much as it affects us, making everyone snippy, impatient and rude. It sounds like he might need some major decompression time, and major deschooling. School can take a sweet child and twist them into thinking they aren't "enough" as themselves. If he is active, sitting in a chair all day would be torture. With the freedom to run as he pleases, feeding his body with movement and exploration, you may have a different relationship with him, he will change. He needs love, kindness and attention, lots of it. No schoolwork, no schedules, no pressure. He needs time to be just himself, receiving unconditional love from someone who believes he is perfect just as he is.
ReplyDeleteI will be honest with you in that bringing my kids home was a wakeup call to my controlling and dominant nature. I needed to change and I am changing for the better. We don't butt heads anymore because we communicate better now. I see his perspective, and he can see mine. It takes work, but I promise you its worth it. Butting heads is clear sign that one or both of you is not getting a need met. You have to find what that need is :).
As far as time to yourself, I won't lie, I miss it. But all that means is that I make better use of my time. My kids get to see what is important to me, and that they are just as important. I have been guilty of martyring myself out, especially in the beginning. But as usual, I was the one that needed to manage my time better.
Hope this helps. You are asking all the right questions. The problem is you don't get any answers until you just take the plunge.